that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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