The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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