I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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