This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
