I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
