I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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