i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
