I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We are two peas in an std pod
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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