I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
