you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
