i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
