If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
