sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
