I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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