I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
