put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this just has baby written all over it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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