I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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