So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
