It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
