mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
