Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
