dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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