Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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