Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
