party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
