Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
