he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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