It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
