your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
