No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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