so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
