I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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