I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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