So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
