I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
