watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
