The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
