a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
