Banned from zoo.
Again?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
