i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
