life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
