dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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