ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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