Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
