Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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