Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
