We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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