so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The adults are the big ones right?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
