I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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