I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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