we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize