Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
