I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
