I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
