i think i have herpe
just one?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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