She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
