I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
