we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
