i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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