capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize