she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
