I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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