But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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