Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize