I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize