Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize