he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
