The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
