I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
