oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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