So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
