My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
