I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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