her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
