Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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