Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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