and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
