Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
