that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
