D3 body, D1 cock
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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