Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
