i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
