The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
