You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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