i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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