bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
